


the correlation of salvation and love

by vharmons



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Canon Compliant, Dyslexic!Blue, Friendship, Gen, Post-Blue Lily Lily Blue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-22
Updated: 2015-04-22
Packaged: 2018-03-25 04:42:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3797071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vharmons/pseuds/vharmons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Don't fight with Gansey. Don't fight with Blue." It was a simple enough mantra, which made it all the worse when Adam was unable to follow through with it.</p><p>(Sometimes, when Blue and Adam fought, Blue didn't know if she was fighting with her friend or with her ex-boyfriend.)</p><p>A series of one-shots encompassing the fragile and complicated friendship between Adam Parrish and Blue Sargent, all set in the same post-BLLB universe.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the correlation of salvation and love

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first big jump into this wonderful, shippy fandom, which of course means that I chose to tackle a now-platonic relationship. This was initially going to be one seamless story, but as I was writing it, I realized it would flow more easily as a series of one-shots encompassing the moments I was wanting to write, so I'm just going to post them that way! There's not much of Gansey or Ronan in this chapter, but they'll show up in the future, and so will the canon ships, but Blue and Adam's friendship is ~obviously the key thing here.
> 
> Also, for the record: I picture Blue as Kiko Mizuhara (a Korean-American actress), so I am writing Blue as being a woman of color, which is why that's mentioned at some point.

Blue was sitting under the beech tree in the backyard when Adam found her. 

He could remember the last time they'd been here, when he'd rested his head in her lap and she'd told him he was brave. It had only been a few months, but it might as well have been years since it had happened, for all that had changed between them. For all that they had changed. 

Adam hovered by the porch, not sure if he could intrude. The beech tree created a pocket of the world that seemed to belong to Blue in a way that even her room didn't—it was Blue in the way that Monmouth was Gansey, or the Barns were Ronan. It was the inside of her mind laid bare in a way that Adam had never experienced. After the fights and the anger and the hurt, Adam couldn't still have a place here. 

Maura had warned Adam that Blue was in A Mood, a phrase that was punctuated by a shared knowing look with Calla, and that it was probably better for Adam to come back later. But the idea of leaving Fox Way without Blue knowing he'd been there was unsettling, like he'd broken in, even though her mother had invited him.

Blue was curled up in the tangle of roots, chipping away at her bright green nail polish with the focus of someone who was clearly avoiding thinking about something. Her brows were drawn together and her lips were a thin line. She hadn't noticed Adam yet, and for a moment, he considered slipping back through the door and leaving her be. An angry Blue Sargent was a fearsome thing.

But Adam was trying not to be so fearful.

"Hey," he said, taking a step forward. She looked up, caught out, and her face cleared only a bit. "Your mom and Calla called me," he explained, rubbing a hand over his neck. The stoniness returned to her expression and he quickly clarified: "For a reading. Not about you."

"Right," Blue said, looking away again. He wondered if she, too, was thinking about the last time they'd been here. The memory of vulnerability heated his face, and he looked down, eyes settling on the sole of his sneaker, which had been peeling for days now. When he glanced up again, Blue was watching him, expression softer. "Grab a seat," she said, gesturing to the roots. "Plenty of room at my pity party for one more."

Adam sat down next to her, drawing his knees up to his chest to fit more easily into the space. "What's this party in honor of?" he asked, looking to her again. 

She heaved a sigh that seemed too big for her body, leaning back against the tree. "I can't go to college." She tried to be nonchalant about it, but her voice cracked midway through, and Adam recognized the misery in her expression. (It was strange to think that he knew her better now than he had before. That he could catch the slight stiffness in her spine and know what it meant.) 

"I'm sorry," he said as she stubbornly wiped her eyes with the sleeve of her cardigan. "I know that's hard."

He wasn't prepared for the harsh laugh that followed his words, and found himself tensing reflexively. "No, you don't," Blue said, and the bitterness in her voice stung worse than the laugh. "You don't know the first thing about this."

 _Don't fight with Blue. Don't fight with Gansey._  But he couldn't let that go. Anger welled up in his chest, and he stood up, pulling away from her. Who did she think she was, looking at him and telling him he didn't know the first thing about poverty? " _Nice_ , Blue," he said, tone as barbed as hers. "I definitely wouldn't know the first thing about not having money for school."

"Oh,  _shut up_ ," Blue shot. "My family's just as poor as yours is, Adam, and I work  _just_  as hard as you do. You know what the difference is? I don't get to put 'valedictorian at Aglionby Academy' at the top of my college applications!" 

"Right. That and your family gives a shit about you, you mean," Adam says, scowling. He couldn't remember clenching his fists, but he felt his nails digging crescents into his skin. 

Blue let out a frustrated noise. "That is  _not_  what we're talking about," she said. The anger thrumming through Adam's body didn't subside, but he could feel the dread and hopelessness that fueled it. How stupid he'd been, to think that he and Blue could ever be more than this—barbed insults and mutual, endless anger. 

"Whatever," Adam said, forcing himself to unclench his fists. He turned away, back toward the house, and he caught a glimpse of the sprawling meadow in Cabeswater.  _No,_  he thought. That was not what he needed. "I'll leave you alone."

He didn't stop to hear her response, if there was one.

* * *

It wasn't until later, after Adam had calmed down and settled back into himself, that he realized that Blue was right. Adam had struggled and Adam had suffered, but Adam still had an advantage over Blue that had never even been an option for her. Adam had to fight for everything he was able to put on his college applications, but Blue had not had the opportunity to fight.

"That took you long enough," said Noah, from where he was sprawled next to Adam on his bed, flipping aimlessly through Adam's English homework. "Also, you misspelled this word. Whatever it is." He tapped the word in question, and Adam glared at him, but he did lean over to look. It was written in a language he recognized as Cabeswater's, though he had no idea what it said. "Thought so. It's creepy."

"You're one to talk about being creepy," Adam muttered, plucking the notebook from Noah's hands. This was definitely exactly what he needed: Another reason to obsessively triple check every detail of his homework. He'd need to borrow the puzzle box from Ronan, later, but before he could reason with Cabeswater, he needed to reason with Blue. Apologize to Blue, maybe.

"Technically, I am not the one who _chose_ to sell my soul to a demon forest," Noah said, words clipped. "So I think you get to be the creepy one."

Adam did not say  _Cabeswater is not a demon forest_  because he did not know that for sure, and he did not say  _I did that for you, too_  because it was a lie, and Noah knew it.

"Sure," Adam said instead. He was no longer invested in the conversation. Blue had been to Adam's apartment once since he'd moved in, and her visit was replaying in his mind. He'd wished, then, that she'd be trapped in Henrietta. That she'd regret her shitty attitude when he was off at Harvard and she was in retail hell. He ran his hands through his hair, sighing. "I'm a terrible friend," he said. It was okay to say that out loud, because the only person to hear it was Noah, and he would hear him think it anyway.

"Sure," Noah said amiably. He sat up, knee knocking against Adam's solidly. Noah was always just a bit too close, a bit too tactile, for Adam to be entirely comfortable with him. Ronan may have been the one with sharp edges, but Adam was the one who shattered with a touch. "Want to know a secret?" He leaned forward and gently plucked an eyelash from Adam's cheek. He blew it away and Adam felt his heart constrict as he remembered his mother telling him to  _make a wish._  "I've had worse."

Adam closed his eyes, and when he opened them, he was alone.

It was for the best, though.

He had work to do.

* * *

 

Blue had gotten her acceptance letter a week earlier. For anyone else, this would've been a reason to pop open the champagne and celebrate. A reason to brag about how she was going to be a world renown ecologist someday, because she was going to get the education she needed to do that.

 

For Blue, it was a twist to the knife in her gut, because she had not qualified for the leadership scholarship that would have put the school even  _slightly_  into her reach. She'd missed the GPA requirement by point zero two. Two more A's instead of B's, a few better results on pop quizzes or book reports, and she would have a chance. It was this, the idea that had she cared a little more three years ago, she wouldn't be in this position now, that hurt the most.

There were a lot of people she could blame for this, but somehow it all kept coming back to Blue Sargent, age fourteen, putting her copy of  _The Scarlet Letter_  down because the words kept rearranging themselves on the pages.

It wasn't fair, and what was worse that her not having a future was the least unfair of all the  _completely_  unfair things happening. Noah was dead. Persephone was dead. Gansey would be dead before graduation. Everyone had it so much worse than Blue that she couldn't even wallow in self-pity to make herself feel better about it without feeling like a jerk.

She did not want to talk to anyone, which of course meant that this was the week where everyone who walked into Fox Way forgot what a closed door meant. Adam Parrish was the last person that she wanted to talk to, which of course meant that he was the one person to show up in the hallway outside of her room.

It was always strange to see a boy upstairs at Fox Way, and though Adam had certainly been there more than any of the other boys, he stood out as much as he fit in. "Are you stopping by to antagonize me again?" she asked, narrowing her eyes at him. It was bizarre how sometimes when they argued, she couldn't tell if she was fighting with her friend or her ex-boyfriend. She wasn't sure if they'd ever get past that. She watched him take a deep breath and push past the snark.

"I came to apologize for last time," he said. He shrugged his shoulder under his ear, and Blue was brought back to the first time they'd spoken. So the stiffness to his shoulders was nervousness, not restrained anger. She wanted to hang on to her righteous irritation, but it was exhausting, so she stepped back and opened the door for him with a huff. She headed back to her bed, sitting cross-legged. She heard a distant clanging from the attic and glared at the ceiling fruitlessly. Adam shut the door behind him, clearly not ready to be snuck up on by any of Fox Way's residents, time traveler or no. She looked at him expectantly.

"You were right," Adam said. "I have Aglionby. And I have scholarships. I should have thought about that before running my mouth. So, I'm sorry." He fidgeted with the strap of his messenger bag, finally looking up at her through his eyelashes. Blue did not have feelings for Adam anymore (if she ever had), but she still found the motion heinously unfair. She did not have to have feelings for a boy to think he had nice eyelashes, after all.

"Okay," she said. "Thanks." She paused and then finally added, "I shouldn't have brought up your family. So, I'm sorry about that." Even if he had misinterpreted it completely, and even if she'd been dwelling on how she suspected he'd just thrown that in her face to justify his anger. 

"Okay," he said. He tugged at the strap of his bag again, and Blue glanced at it. It looked heavier than normal. He followed her gaze and then opened the bag, pulling out a thick folder stuffed with papers. "I, ah. I looked up some scholarships that I think you could apply for. I probably should've asked first, but..." He held the folder up, shrugging. "When I can't sleep, I research."

"Sounds useful," Blue said, partly because in their group of friends, it was, and partly because she had no idea how else to respond to this thoughtfulness. After a moment, she asked, in a small voice, "What kind of scholarships?" None of the ones she'd looked at had been of much use to her.

Adam grabbed the chair from her desk and pulled it up next to the bed to her left. He sat down, facing her, and flipped through the stack of papers so that she could see. "It's mostly essays. There's a few that you just put your name in for, but I don't think much ever comes from those. Worth a shot, though, I reckon." 

They were largely aimed at environmental science students, though there were a few that Blue could tell from the titles were aimed at feminists, or specifically for women of color. It was a stack of potential waiting for her. Both of their heads were tilted together over the pages, and Blue could see the beginnings of freckles on his cheeks. The sight, combined with his accent, and the folder, filled her with an overwhelming fondness. She wanted to hug him, but instead reached out and gave his wrist a light squeeze. "Thank you," she said, making sure to put all of that fondness into the two words.

"Thank me when we're done with the essays," he said, but there was a relieved smile on his lips.

"Well, I'm not going to want to then." She grinned at him, and he laughed, a sound that always sounded a little startled.

Maybe, they could figure this out.


End file.
